


Whoever Wins, Loses

by skivvysupreme



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 11:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3408734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skivvysupreme/pseuds/skivvysupreme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine wakes up in the middle of the night to find Kurt having a nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whoever Wins, Loses

The first thing Blaine notices as his eyes pop open is that the bed is moving.

His immediate thought is _earthquake!_ though it’s rather unlikely in Bushwick, but he jolts upright anyway, squinting around the room as his eyes adjust. Everything on Blaine’s nightstand is intact, but the bed is a mess. The blankets are half off the mattress, pulled towards Kurt’s side, and even Kurt’s pillow is askew, having been pushed off the bed so that it’s sliding behind the frame.

Kurt, himself, has stopped tossing and turning in his sleep, but he’s sprawled crookedly on his side across his half of the bed, where the light from the window falls pale blue-gray over his face. Blaine can see Kurt’s chest moving as he breathes hard through his mouth. His eyes dart back and forth beneath his closed eyelids and he’s starting to let out the quietest little whimpers.

Kurt’s sounds of distress lodge something heavy in Blaine’s chest. He reaches for him, puts a hand on his shoulder, and suddenly Kurt swings his arm around and elbows Blaine in the stomach. Blaine doubles over – Kurt’s angles are sharp – and takes a second to catch his breath, then gets up on his knees on the bed. He’s heard you’re not supposed to wake people up like this but he doesn’t want Kurt to hurt himself… or hit him again.

"Kurt?"

**

_Kurt can’t breathe._

_His clothed limbs are heavy in the water and he’s almost out of air. He’s not moving towards the surface fast enough, no matter how hard he tries to swim. He can’t hear anything, and the water is almost too dark to see through, but he can just make out the figures of his mom, dad, and brother struggling behind him. As little progress as Kurt’s making, they’re making even less._

_Kurt knows that Carole and Blaine aren’t in the water, that they’re onshore somewhere. He’s almost there, so close to the surface, so he treads harder._

_His mom fades first, sinking until it’s too dark and murky to see her. Kurt scrambles then, twisting in the water to reach for his dad and Finn, but they’re too far away. Water floods Kurt’s throat – he’s out of time, he can’t stay here—_

_Blaine’s voice, quiet and distant, breaks through the silence, calling his name._

_His dad sinks then, and Kurt screams – he can’t hear himself, but bubbles dance out of his mouth as water rushes in._

_Kurt’s almost at the surface when Finn disappears._

“Kurt!”

_Something grabs his arm – Blaine? Is he in the water, too? – and Kurt finally breaks through, but instead of air, somehow he’s still swallowing water and can’t cough it up. He doesn’t understand why they sank and he didn’t, because if he still can’t breathe, what’s the difference?_

_**_

“Kurt! Wake up!”

Kurt wakes with a loud gasp that drops into a sob, his body tense under Blaine’s hands. Blaine’s holding his forearm, caught mid-swing, and has a warm palm on his hip, kneading firmly as he leans over his side. Kurt looks up at him, confused and panting.

“Hey. It’s me, it’s Blaine.”

“I—I can’t—”

“You’re okay, it was just a dream.” Blaine lets go of Kurt’s arm and bends down to kiss the side of his head. He pushes Kurt’s hair off his forehead and kisses his cheek. “Just a dream, baby. It wasn’t real.” He wants to know what Kurt saw, but the shaken look on Kurt’s face won’t let him ask just yet.

“Can’t breathe,” Kurt cries, his chest heaving.

Blaine reaches over him and turns on the light hanging above the nightstand, washing Kurt’s corner of the bed in soft yellow light. The little clock says it’s just after 4 AM. Blaine gently pulls at Kurt’s hip so he’s lying on his back, then lies on his side next to him. Blaine nuzzles into his shoulder and says, “I’m here.”

All of Blaine’s instincts tell him to wrap Kurt in his arms and never let go, but he’s seen this from Kurt before, and though Blaine doesn’t have a manual, he’s learning. A little touch is comforting, but any more than that is smothering. Some reassurance is okay, but don’t tell him not to worry. Don’t let him shut down, but don’t ask too much at once or you’ll _make_ him shut down. Sometimes, all you can do is wait it out.

Blaine hates this, though. He can’t protect Kurt when he can’t see the enemy.

He makes his breathing deliberate, counting eights in his head. “Want to try matching me?” he asks quietly.

Kurt nods.

Blaine takes a slow breath in, and then exhales as he sings softly: _“There’s a brand new dance but I don’t know its name…”_  

Breathe in _– 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8…_

_“That people from bad homes do again and again…”_

Breathe in _– 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8…_

_“It’s big and it’s bland, full of tension and fear…”_

Breathe in _– 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8…_

_“They do it over there, but we don’t do it here…”_

Breathe in _– 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8…_

Blaine lets the song trail off into humming, maintaining that count long past the point when Kurt’s breathing finally slows.

Kurt turns his head towards Blaine and reaches for his hand. He’s not on the verge of hyperventilating anymore, but he still has that stressed-out look on his face and his cheeks are wet. He doesn’t say anything, just nods again and squeezes Blaine’s fingers.

Blaine kisses his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Kurt looks like he’s about to answer in the affirmative, but then he sniffles and starts shaking his head, and what comes out instead is, “I don’t want you to die.”

Blaine’s heart drops. “Oh, no baby, I’m right here, I’m fine.” He has yet to have a dream about Kurt dying, and he can’t imagine how that would feel. He takes the hand Kurt’s holding and pulls it up to his own face. “See? Right here. Is… is that what your nightmare was?”

“Not you. You were okay. And I know you’re okay now, but… you could just… at any time. And I wouldn’t be able to stop it. Like my mom and Finn, and I just – what if Dad’s cancer comes back? What if they find something?”

Oh. Blaine props himself up on an elbow and says, “He has a check-up today, doesn’t he.”

Kurt nods. His eyes are wide and shining more green than usual, and everything in his face is angled downward, as if he’s already gotten the worst news and just needs Blaine to confirm it.

“I don’t think the cancer will come back, but even if it does, he’ll just kick its ass again. Your dad’s one of the strongest people I know, Kurt.”

“Strong people die all the time, Blaine.”

Well. That is true. And Blaine has to admit, Kurt knows it more closely than he does. He doesn’t know what to say to make Kurt feel better when he knows he can’t guarantee anything. “I know you’re nervous about it. I am, too. But I truly believe he’ll be all right tomorrow. Come here?”

Blaine holds his arm out, tentatively, and Kurt immediately rolls over and curls into his hold, clutching the neckline of Blaine’s tank top with his forehead against Blaine’s cheek. Blaine feels Kurt’s engagement ring, hard and cool against his chest. He keeps promising Kurt forever but he also knows there’s a reason _until death do us part_ or _as long as we both shall live_ is the choice of words used in marriage vows.

 “I don’t want you to die either, by the way.”

Kurt huffs a sad sort-of laugh into his chest. “I figured as much. That rarely stops it from happening.”

“No, but how about… I’ll try to keep living as long as you do, and you do the same for me,” Blaine whispers. “Deal?”

“Deal,” Kurt says, after a moment. He snuggles closer, then leans up to kiss Blaine on the lips. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s okay, Kurt. Do you think you can sleep?” Blaine asks, rubbing Kurt’s back. “Or do you want to see what’s on Netflix? We can watch whatever you want.”

 “If I close my eyes, I’ll see it again. We can watch something. Your choice. Pick something long and distracting.”

Kurt lasts an hour and a half into _The Avengers_ before he drifts back into sleep.

Blaine wakes him up six hours later when Burt calls with the good news.


End file.
